(reflections on growing up)

I used to believe one had to read every book cover to cover every time, no exceptions. It was almost sacrilegious to only read a chapter or (dare I even say) pick up a well-beloved book to read only the last chapter. I don’t believe that as much these days…

What a joy to enter into a book one has loved and lived in for years. For me, there are a few books I know so well that I can pick up on a specific chapter and know exactly where I am. Some of these books include, Ender’s Game, any of the Anne of Green Gables books, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Night Circus. For many years, I used to read these books once a year, one book for each season it reminded me of. Time grows increasingly scarce compared to my childhood timetables, as a result I don’t always have the opportunity to re-read the books cover to cover anymore. Yet, I still crave the opportunity to enter into these worlds and visit with my friends who live in paper and ink lanes.

I gave myself permission to go into Anne’s life for a specific scene in “Anne of the Island”, because I needed to be reminded of the beauty found after years of waiting and misunderstanding for a specific character. For just a few minutes, I entered into the wonder and beauty of Anne’s world. I, too, was trapsing through the woods on my way to Echo Lodge to chat with Miss. Lavendar. I, too, felt the joy as she was reunited with a lost dream. Then, I joined Anne and Gilbert walking home through Lover’s Lane. It was only a brief visit, yet I left feeling… better.

Life looks different than it did when I first met Anne. Of course we change and evolve as people, yet it is nice to be reminded to evolve gracefully. Anne was one of my first book friends. I memorized the route to her story book at the library and regularly checked it out whenever it was available. The green canvas feel of the book cover brought a wave of anticipation and I gazed at the little painted image of Anne on the front. I slept with her by my side, and I lived in her imagination from a young age. She opened my eyes to wonders previously unseen; she enhanced my imagination-play and encouraged innocence/purity of heart simply by the way she lived. I watched her grow up faster than I myself was growing up, which meant she always seemed to be a step ahead of me.

Now, I am older than the 18-year-old Anne I am reading about. As a result, I encounter her story differently, but it is no less beloved to me. In fact, I believe it is because I have loved her for so long that the story remains beloved. She was one of my first loves in life, in the way only childhood innocence can. My love for her was one that imbeds into one’s heart as a treasure which will shape the way one encounters the world forever.

This is one of the first years of my life that I genuinely feel older. My outlook on life has shifted just significantly enough where I finally notice the perception change. It was a bunch of small changes over time, but the process did not happen overnight. To use L.M. Montgomery’s language, I have walked long enough where I have come to a bend in life that was completely unexpected.

“When I left Queen’s my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don’t know what lies around the bend, but I’m going to believe that the best does.”¹

Life has a bend in it right now, and I cannot see around the corner. I wonder and wonder, yet no amount of wondering will ever make me see what is around the bend. All I can do is continue to walk forward, and eventually the new scenery will pop up before me like a surveyor in the 1700s. While I look forward to what is coming, there is a bit of grief too. Saying goodbye to summer days of endless light, and entering into the glory of Autumn. Anne reminds me that for every adventure we enter into there is something left behind, so we should not forget to take time to properly grieve the loss of one season in order to enter into the new season with joy.

“Well, that was life. Gladness and pain…hope and fear…and change. Always change! You could not help it. You had to let the old go and take the new to your heart…learn to love it and then let it go in turn. Spring, lovely as it was, must yield to summer and summer lose itself in autumn. The birth…the bridal…the death…”²

As Autumn comes into my town, my excitement grows. My favorite season is upon us! And to celebrate, this year I will allow myself to jump around in my beloved books.

1. Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery ↩︎
2. Anne of Ingleside, L.M. Montgomery (This blog features the quote in a nice essay: The Quotable Anne: The Bend in the Road – beauty and the mess) ↩︎